i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
