My friends, they love my intelligence
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
