I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
