I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The adults are the big ones right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
