Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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