Jerry, you need to find god
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
