If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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