3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
