Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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