This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
