I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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