there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
