you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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