How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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