I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
