'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
