which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
