Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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