Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
