I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
