the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
