I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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