I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
