onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
