3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
