You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
