i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
