i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
