If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
