You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
