Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Enjoy the penises
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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