did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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