Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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