I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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