its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
