I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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