he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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