dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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