Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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