Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize