well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
