My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Houston, we have a squirter
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
