Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
