Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
