I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your room smells of hookers.
And success
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
