dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
