Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I want to have your abortion
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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