You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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