Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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