Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
