He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
