My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
