why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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