I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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