All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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