I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
