she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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