did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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