I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They took my balls.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you bring me the toilet please
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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