I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
