I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
