Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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