He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
