Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
