the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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