Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize