Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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