a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
