dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
