That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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