this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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